My friend posted a photo of himself playing with his daughter of less than two years old on Facebook. The girl gave a big smile, knowing or having nothing to worry about: no pain, and definitely no cares in the world. She was having her better than her best moments.
I made an admonitory comment in the way of prayer to his post thus: May moments such as this become a culture. May she continue to trust you with her everything. May your success be the attention you commit to observing her grow and emerge because that is the seed you sowed. You have to nurture the crop you planted to bloom and maturity. This is the code of parenting: attention. We cannot create a hiatus and fill it up with cartooning. Something has to give. It is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
That was my comment and the moment I put up the comment, it suddenly struck me to drill deeper by developing portions of the comments and that's exactly what I set out to do in this post.
Becoming a culture: I prayed that the photo post goes beyond just the photo to be a lifestyle. My friend, like many new or even old parents, is quite busy; and the whole idea is to ensure that this precious, little darling daughter of his is well and adequately provided for. Now, he must find a way to keep that fire of play with her burning until it becomes a culture between them. Having the time to commit to playing with her is a value that must transform to become a culture.
Trust you with her everything: It is funny how a continuity of such playful support with the baby can build trust. The child can choose to fall on him; she can take a jump knowing full well that the big man will be there to catch her; she can attempt any move without any care in the world. You do know that at that age, these tenderlings do not know that someone can get injured. They do not know if there is anything like injuries. She is trusting of her dad's presence and company and her parents' arms and bosoms are the safest places for her. This trust has to be sustained; but for how long? The answer is in the continuity of attention support and also infusing the value of attention in the child through practice; not theory.
Your success is the attention you give her: You are only going to be a successful parent or father because you give your attention to raising your baby. Your personal success is incomplete until you help her make a success of herself. In fact success is not accounted to you if she is not successful; and that can only really happen if and when you devote your time to observing her every move when it matters the most. And, I mean, every move.
She is the seed you sowed: Many times we forget that the children we have are seeds we sowed in the same way that the farmer sowed his land with seeds. The moment the seed is sown and it begins to germinate, then your entire being is focused on the growing fetus daily. This is where I consider it bestial, especially of the he-goat stock, for a male to hit his wife, let alone his pregnant wife. I have observed he-goats do that countless times, especially over food. From conception to birth and for all life through, that seed is a branch of you. Do always remember that.
Nurture the crop you planted to bloom and maturity. There is a grave danger here. If you do it wrongly at the wrong time, you fill the container the same way. But if you do it right at the right time with the right content, you fill the child [the container] the same way. The time we do it, the content we use, and how we apply the content make the difference. It is good to always be guided by the thought of what label we put on the container.
The label is the name we are called when we are christened. Besides, we nurture through deeds more than through words because those little portions of us do what they see us do, more than what they hear us say.
Everyone will mature but there is biological maturity as well as physical and every otherwise maturity. It all depends on what we put into the vessel, the play we play and the dance we dance before them. That is exactly what they will reproduce. Their sense of observation is keener than we realize and they record and replay our every move.
The code of parenting is in action and daily influences based on the life we live before the children. The quality of attention we give shows our commitment. Importantly, the time we commit to observing and monitoring their growth and development, cannot be compared with any physical gifts we try to bestow if we miss the window. The time we permit to get them to make their own mistakes which will make them be who they are created to be is something we must sacrifice.
We are to be with them in the moment. We cannot outsource that role. That is why it always seems like our lives are put on hold when we begin to have children. That is a sign that lets us know that we are doing it right: Our personal life shifts into theirs in a way that we must not encroach with their lives and influence them against becoming who they are created to be.
We cannot outsource the parenting role to the television by letting the watching of cartoon do our jobs for us. We often do not realize how much of a responsibility that the pleasure of seed sowing brings upon us. We fail to connect with our children. We fail to engage with them and engage them meaningfully. No cartoons or computer games can fill the gap of connectivity and engagement. Your physical presence has to do it. If you do not invest that time, you will pay for it in the future.
Once in a lifetime opportunity: Parenting is a one-time opportunity means that there is a time and a season to input some things and show some examples to the children. If we miss that window of opportunity, only the child has to decide on a paradigm shift. This is because at age 5 or 6, the child is already programmed with some programs. The programming continues till the late teens and about age 21; but all of that depends on the first programming foundation that ends at age 5 or 6. You would have done a bad job at parenting if you miss the window. That is your scorecard. It is input and output. What you fill them up with is what they will give back to you. This position is non-negotiable.
Parenting is such a huge task because it seems more apt to say that you cease to live the moment you sow them. You now begin to live for them. You begin to learn life anew. You become a fresh student of another level of life.
The nurturing actually begins from the womb. And every other growth that you experience in the course of their upbringing is attached either directly or indirectly to them. Now, you live because they live. This is not about the father or the mother. This is about parents in the art of parenting. Both parents brought a being to life. It is a role best played via interdependence. It takes life to raise life. Nothing else can suffice.
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