Listen. Be quiet. Observe. Ask. Reflect. Envisage outcomes. Act. Evaluate.
I had a conversation with a fastidious senior colleague who is not free of errors as I am not, though he would hardly admit his error. Hubris or vaunting fills us with much conceit that we often forget that we are humans and when we get that way, we cease improving, which means we stop growing altogether. That's a stagnating place to be.
I looked my colleague in the eyes and I uttered the following words: 'A completely error free version is non-existent. Should there be one, it would not remain on the shelf or tree, for the ripest fruit is hunted by the majority.'
Mistakes are permitted in relationships. Without my mistakes, you may never learn about the real me. Without yours, I may never know the authentic you. It is weird and insane to learn that you may not be worthy of a perfect version of me because I should be somewhere else, and not in your space. There is no one without an error regardless of the genius they have attained.
I have discovered that if all that I know about you is only what you have told me about yourself, then I do not know enough, because what you tell me about yourself must be subjected to validation through experiencing you at close or otherwise quarters.
When we engage with each other, and with one another, we discover values, unspoken traits and much more than we hitherto thought of. That is the beauty of collaboration. We learn, we get informed and wise through experience. More importantly, we are at odds, and these are not abnormal in relationships, otherwise, we are being hypocritical.
To be a better version of yourself is to recreate yourself by taking your life in your own hands, modelling and reprogramming your mind and your entire being.
The following thoughts may suffice:
Listen: The ability to listen is therapeutic. Listening works healing but for this to happen, listening has to be active. Active listening is an act of humility. Of the about three or four levels of listening, active/empathetic or what I'd rather call compassionate listening is an act of love. We go from paying attention to observing body language and cues, listening objectively and analytically, before hitting the active.
Active listening helps us connect with the speaker such that they are able to find the solution within themselves. We subdue our own emotions and anxieties in order to make them and their issues take premium position. The ability to achieve this secures engagement, connection, and works solution to the speaker. Without active listening, we cannot build and sustain great relationships. Relationship is a great currency and an all-time legal tender.
Be quiet: You may be quiet but not listen. You may be quiet but shut down. Being quiet should actually be for the purpose of concentrating and investing your mental faculties through subduing yourself in order to connect with the workings of your essence. Quietly observing yourself helps you boost self-awareness without which you cannot develop and actualize yourself. In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength: and ye would not [Isaiah 30:15].
A man's strength and confidence is not expressed through thunderous equivocations. Through quietness a man is able to keep himself focused on his goals and work towards their attainment. In those minutes and moments he knows what his strengths and weaknesses are. He must own them so that he knows who to connect with for collaboration because his needs, not his wants, have been revealed to him during introspection.
Observe: Observation is a key skill that is underrated because it is unknown by the majority. And when we use it more often than not we use it for the wrong reasons of tattling and being a busybody in other men's affairs. Those who use quantum levels of observation choose wisely. They know who to collaborate with. Collaboration is not an easy value or skill because it is the harnessing of diversity without which we cannot pivot to the place of manifestation where true meaning resides.
The place of meaning is the place of rest. We are not able to get to this place without being very observant. When we observe, we pay attention. We shut down on some and open up to some. If we are sincere to what we experience during the process, we lead ourselves to choose dispassionately. We choose people with the right values. People with the right values are people who challenge us. They are people who consciously or unconsciously fuel our fires and light our candles.
Ask: Anyone who asks, receives. Asking is a mark of maturity and the expression of thirst to provide solutions to problems. I have encountered people in the workplace who exhibit an attitude of not being able to ask for support and assistance from colleagues who are placed in the same environment for the same reason as they-to provide solutions. I often wonder why they do not see that. Human Resource Professionals should ensure that the concept of asking is inculcated in the orientation and onboarding process. Leaders must be driven to make this a workplace culture through communication. It must be a slogan that goes beyond words.
What does it mean to ask? To ask means that we must keep knocking. It means we must be up and doing in our corner. It means that we are collaborating through bringing something to the table. It means we realize that each day that we are in the space we are in is to create solutions by solving problems. One question we must ask ourselves every day is: What problem am I going out to solve today? If you must stay diligent in service, you must ask the right questions constantly and sometimes the question may not seem right, but it has to be asked because you do not know. When you imagine the kind of questions that children ask, then you should better understand what this means.
Asking questions, both of the self and of others is one value key we cannot do without when it comes to continuous improvement. We cannot cease from questioning or asking because good questions are like branches. They keep spreading and that is growth.
Reflect: During your reflections, there is the possibility of hitting realization. You scold and celebrate yourself. You admit your mistakes and prepare to unmask your vulnerabilities to those you work closely with. These are members of your productive circle, and you don't want to be anything but transparent to them. When we reflect we engage with ourselves. We x-ray our emotions, our engagements, our moments of each day, the decisions we took, their impact on our community, and we elect to take the next right steps.
With result-oriented reflections we are able to mend cracked walls and assuage frail nerves. Reflection helps us connect the dots and keep us renewed in the game. Men who reflect renew and revitalize energy. They are better positioned to rejig the plans and strategies to align with the goal.
Envisage outcomes: Visualization is an important key to success and winning in any endeavour we undertake. We undertake to be in that space. It is an intentional walk or journey. Success does not happen via wishful thinking. You have to be successful every day. It is one step at a time, but you have got to see yourself there. You have to envisage the outcome of a step in your mind before you take it. You have to cook it in your imagination. Napoleon Hill calls imagination the workshop of the mind.
There is no better way to describe it. Unless we envisage something, unless we see it first in our mind, we may not be able to work it out or walk towards it. If we do not first envisage it, even if it happens, which rarely is the case, it may not endure because we did not deliberately create it, and when we don’t deliberately create something, we may not maintain and improve it. When we envisage outcomes, we see ourselves where we choose to be, and we go there each day till we get there.
Act: Talk about creating something, we are not able to make something happen unless we take action. Man is by nature, a maker, but an individual has to see himself so, and based on what he visualizes or imagines, he puts a process together and acts his thoughts to reality. He navigates his thoughts into being. We are not rewarded for our intentions. We are not rewarded for our imaginations. We are not rewarded for our regrets.
Regrets are rewards we do not want to remember. We are rewarded for what we do and do well, and this takes time. Our actions are measured and evaluated. Our actions add up. When we take action consistently, we improve consistently. That is fortune earned through being relentless and focused.
Evaluate: When we evaluate, we check for the outcomes we envisaged. We measure growth and analyse performance. We work to ensure that our dreams are coming alive. We must evaluate the impact of our service and delivery to our market, and that is to the internal and external customers. If our internal customers are not happy, teams are unhappy, and where teams are unhappy, they cannot make the external happy. The purpose of a great idea is to have positive and ripple effects on the community. We cannot know this without measurement and evaluation. Self-evaluation is a great step, especially if we are sincere and thorough about the feedback we give and get.
Ray Dalio said: ‘Constantly compare your outcomes to your goals.’ This is spot on. Regarding our getting better, we should be able to periodically rate ourselves on a scale of 1-10 in the areas we elect to improve ourselves. Self-evaluation is self-judgement. You have to be able to judge yourself fair and right many times, if not all of the time. You need to learn to be a good judge of character by being observant, being open minded, being sincere and true to yourself, your ideals, decisions, and goals. More or most importantly, apply the Golden Rule always. This is one way you can be certain that you are just.
Using the concept of OKRs [Objectives & Key Results] is a great way to run your evaluation. Because you are measuring the success of your goals, you need specific figures, numbers, dates, time, and measurements. Without this, you may not earn certainty of how effectively you have put time to use or better still how well you have structured your activities within the time that is allotted to you. The evaluation from the external comes from our colleagues and superiors. Nobody is above evaluation. If you have been assigned responsibility, be ready for accountability.
To bring it all to a head, you have to be real. You have to be brutally truthful to yourself. You have to own your entire being-good, not so good, and all. And that begins and ends with having a relationship with yourself. In a world full of fugazi, the only thing you should desire to be is authentic, not another version of fakery. Being a better version of oneself is about continuous acts of personal improvement. Personal improvement is personal responsibility, and the offering is total in order to deliver robust value all the time. You have to deliberately set yourself up for success. Like they say, ‘Success is an attitude we wear every day.’ We breathe it, we drink it, we eat it, we give it, and it returns to us. Unless we give it, we cannot get it, and for us to give it requires that we take it in first.
